All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
What a dumb baby whore.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
