is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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