remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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