I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
