i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
