Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
