a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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