Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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