What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
