at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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