I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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