Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
