I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
