Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
