i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
