i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
