i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
