So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
