She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
