hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
did you just send me my own nude
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
