my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
