Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He shit in the fireplace
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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