You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
try to milk me bitch
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
