First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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