I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
