You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
