singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
