Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Michael Bay diarrhea
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
