Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
