wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
