I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
