you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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