I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just forgot I was standing up.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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