What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
that is very illegal...i love you.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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