are you so shy because you have an std?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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