im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
