Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
