her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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