p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
