I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
