i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
