So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
