So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
