So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we're making bets on your personal life
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
