My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
