Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
