so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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