allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found the puke drawer
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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