Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
