You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
