Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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