I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
