I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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