Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
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Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
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Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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