Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
