I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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