So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
