just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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