Only a mothe r could love this liver
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
