Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
