he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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