i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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