oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
