I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
