made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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