Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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