Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
