Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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