If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
