Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
