Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I don't deserve a penis
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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