just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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