I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
