So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
