just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
